Timmy - Shimmy - Coco - Pop

I'm human and I'm gay, so I love a little gossip. Now, I'm not talking about what is usually printed as "gossip" nowadays in the tabloids. I couldn't care less what blonde bimbo #213 is doing with himbo actor#156. That's nothing, amateur hour.

No, I like my gossip dirty, the kind that the rags would never dare put in print for fear of legal repercussions. I'm talking about the stuff that you only hear about when everyone involved is long dead and buried. Kenneth Anger's Hollywood Babylon- now that's gossip worth reading and savoring.

So I love a good "blind item". Names aren't named, so the writer can actually say, for example, that this Hollywood starlet is a big pothead or that "Prima Donna bitch" actor has a thing for the lads. Trying to figure out who it is, well, that's half the fun.

Naturally, the internet is rife with gossip sites and blogs (even some that are not run by obnoxious disgraces to their community), and probably the juiciest one out there is "Crazy Days and Nights". Written by an "Entertainment Lawyer" (so you know he has great access to all the dirt), "CDAN" is currently running a doozey of a "long blind item" that has his readers scrambling to decipher all the hints and clues to a story that, if true, could be the most shocking secret in Hollywood history.

It is a story filled with deception, sex, intrigue, heartbreak, skin conditions and the Academy Awards. If it were a movie, audiences and critics alike would scoff at the implausibility of it all. And yet, that is what makes it so fascinating.

"Timmy" was an aspiring actor in the studio years that never quite broke out of bit parts and the chorus line. He was also a homosexual, a fact that was always unspoken in those days. Circumstances led him to an unbelievable attempt at stardom: "Timmy" became "Shimmy" - an actress.

"Shimmy" worked her way up to lead roles, where she met a closeted A-lister that would become "Timmy's" secret love for many years. Around this time, "Shimmy was cast in the role of a lifetime, a role that lead not only to critical acclaim and the "very big award" (an Oscar?), but also to the ultimate demise of "Shimmy".

You'll have to read the whole "BI" to get all the details, but suffice to say, this is one hell of a story, even if it is all fiction or just the latest in a long line of outrageous celebrity rumors or Hollywood urban legends.

Obsessive "CDAN" fans (some of who have even created their own line of t-shirts touting their picks!) have investigated the pasts and filmographies of dozens of award-winning actresses, from Shirley Booth, Sandy Dennis, Marie Dressler, Judy Holiday, Josephine Hull, Mercedes McCambridge, Hattie McDaniel, Mary Pickford and Luise Rainer (all of whom have been directly discounted by the author) to Fay Bainter, Janet Gaynor, Anne Revere, Margaret Rutherford, Gale Sondergaard, Jo Van Fleet, Shelley Winters (!), Teresa Wright and Alice Brady, who has emerged the "favorite" at last call.

Yep, in his latest update, "Ent Lawyer" has promised the big reveal, with a complete explanation of all the who's, what's and why's, this Wednesday.

In the end, I can only imagine what all these actresses up in "movie heaven' must be thinking about all this. Perhaps they are printing up their own t-shirts: "I'm NOT Timmy".

Links via BlindItems.typepad.com, Amazon.com, UrbanDictionary.com, Wikipedia.org, CrazyDaysAndNights.net, Nerve.com, JoBlo.com, SpreadShirt.net and Imdb.com.