The Latest on TV: A Hitch in Time

Notable movies and other programs on TV for Monday September 17 to Sunday September 23:

AMC continues their "7 Nights of Hitchcock" this week, with several of the master's best, including The Birds, Rope, Vertigo, Psycho and Shadow of a Doubt. To get you in the mood, the channel's website has a list of his ten most famous onscreen murders. Gee, I wonder what #1 is?

Over at Turner Classic Movies, they serve up their second batch of lost Warner Bros. First National classics from London's famed Teddington Studios on Monday. Three of the titles have never been seen in the United States in any way, shape or form.

Tuesday on the channel brings more "A Star is Born" films, movies that gave big stars their big break. Lana Turner, Ava Gardner, Bette Davis and Patricia Neal are spotlighted this week; Neal's The Founthead will be followed by her own Private Screenings one-on-one with Robert Osborne.

On Saturday, TCM presents a look at the first "talkies" of several silent greats, including Harold Lloyd in Welcome Danger and Lon Chaney in The Unholy Three, both not available on DVD.

Other classic movies on TV but not DVD for the week include Anne Bancroft in The Pumpkin Eater (Monday, TCM), Jennifer Jones in Tender is the Night (Tuesday, Fox Movie Channel), Greta Garbo in The Kiss (Tuesday, TCM), Tyrone Power in Lloyd's of London, Susan Hayward in The President's Lady and Bette Davis in The Virgin Queen (all Saturday, FMC) and Mickey Rooney in Young Tom Edison (Sunday, TCM).

If you ever wanted to learn more about the exciting world of location scouts, then be sure to catch one of the screenings this week of IFC's Action Indies: Extraordinary Location Scouts.

And on LOGO this week, Monday brings No Dumb Questions, a documentary about how three small children come to terms with their uncle becoming their aunt. M. Butterfly, David Cronenberg's film version of the Tony Award-winning play starring Jeremy Irons and John Lone (which is surprisingly not on DVD) airs Tuesday. More docs on Thursday (When Ocean Meets Sky takes a look at the notorious gay hotspot, Fire Island) and Saturday (100% Woman concerns a transsexual mountain bike champion), and, just for fun, be sure to catch the light-hearted look at gay TV faves, from Wonder Woman to The Golden Girls, in Inside TV Land: Tickled Pink on Sunday.

Click on the network links to find the show times in your area. All programming is subject to change.

Links via AMCTV.com, TCM.com, FoxMovieChannel.com, IFC.com and LOGOOnline.com.

Queer as Classic

In my web wanderings, I recently discovered these parody videos that aired on TV Land a few years back. Three gay faves (Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy and Sex and the City) are hilariously sent up by recasting them with such classic TV stars as Beatrice Arthur, Joyce DeWitt and Loretta Swit.

Of course, my twisted, pop culture-addled mind started cooking up fantasy spoofs of recent gay shows, replacing the gay characters of today with the gay characters of yesterday. OK, mostly gay-seeming characters of yesterday.

On Will and Grace, straight-laced Will Truman would now be played by Jack Coleman, a.k.a. straight-laced Steven Carrington of Dynasty, while the flamboyant Jack McFarland would by portrayed by the even more flamboyant Wayland Flowers, sans Madame. OK, Madame can be Karen.

Nancy McKeon's Jo Polniaczek of The Facts of Life would feel right at home on The L Word, as would the entire cast of Xena: Warrior Princess and the lesbian witches from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. OK, and Alice from The Brady Bunch too.

And let us not forget Queer as Folk. The dynamic duo of Brian Kinney and Justin Taylor would be the actual dynamic duo, Adam "Batman" West and Burt "Boy Wonder" Ward. Wimpy Michael Novotny would now be wimpy Jodie Dallas from Soap (Billy Crystal), while his Uncle Vic would be none other then Uncle Arthur from Bewitched (Paul Lynde). His hunky boyfriend Ben Bruckner would be embodied by Patrick Duffy of Dallas. OK, I know, Bobby Ewing wasn't gay, but he looked good without a shirt, so ...

Forever lovelorn Ted Schmidt would be played by the forever lovelorn Waylon Smithers of The Simpsons, with Lost in Space's Dr. Smith (Jonathan Harris) as unlucky in love Emmett Honeycutt. Lindsay and Melanie? Kate and Allie, naturally.

Some could say that proud mama Debbie Novotny was already played by a gay character (Sharon "Chris Cagney" Gless), but let's change it up with ... Jamie "Corporal Klinger" Farr.

OK, maybe I went too (wait for it) Farr with that one ...

Linka via TVLand.com and YouTube.com.