Dead Man's Helmet

So yeah, today is "International Talk Like a Pirate" day.

Now, I could go all Captain Jack on you and rattle off a few "Arrrr's" or an "Ahoy, matey" or even a robust "Avast, me hearty", but no. The message I have for you today is far too serious for such swashbuckling shenanigans.

That message is this: there are other kinds of pirates out there, and they are not to be trifled with. So just remember that when you're spouting your little "Shiver me timbers" or "Raise the mizzenmast", you ... landlubber you.

Smells Like Zac Efron

Disney has always been at the forefront when it comes to merchandising their products. In fact, the famous Mickey Mouse wristwatch was one of the first items ever produced baring the likeness of a movie character.

However, it seems like they are scraping the bottom of the barrel of late. Or maybe that's wine vat.

First came news that Disney would produce an actual brand of wine under the label Ratatouille to tie-in with their current animated hit. Wiser heads prevailed though when someone realized that it might not look so good to have a cartoon rat promoting alcohol (did they learn nothing from Joe Camel?) and the whole deal was scrapped.

Now comes word that Disney is currently test marketing their own brand of cologne for boys. Yep, your own little Johnny can soon smell like Johnny Depp ... as Captain Jack Sparrow from the Pirates of the Caribbean. Other character scents include Cars' Lightning McQueenand Toy Story's Buzz Lightyear.

I am not sure who, regardless of age, would want to smell like a skanky pirate, an automobile or a plastic toy, but I am surprised they didn't think of a High School Musical cologne.

As one can plainly see by the picture of Zac Efron above, I am sure plenty would buy whatever he is selling.

Links via Wikipedia.com, WineSpectator.com, TheDisneyBlog.com and RollingStone.com.

The Magnificent Seven ... Plus One

As a kid, I was fascinated by the costumed characters seen walking around Disneyland. Back in the day there was no scheduled "meet and greet" times or autograph books like today; Mickey and company would just appear out of nowhere for a surprise photo op. The magic was a lot more spontaneous back then.

Of course, my view of the characters changed when I worked for the Mouse. It was always a bit disturbing to me to see "headless" critters roaming about in the "backstage" areas. (Although I must say, I didn't mind spotting a particularly hairy-chested Prince Charming strolling around shirtless one day. That Cinderella was one lucky bitch.)

Any way, hop on over to The Disney Hub as they stroll down memory lane with the various incarnations of Snow White and her Seven Dwarfs over the years.

In other Disney theme park news:

- Blue Sky Disney, in an article covering the upcoming overhaul of the Anaheim resort, drops a hint about a future Jerry Bruckheimer production that may spawn a Frontierland attraction. The term "Kemo Sabe" is used, so that could only mean ... The Lone Ranger? Well, anything would be better then The Legend of the Lone Ranger.

- Pixar continues its seemingly inevitable takeover of all the Disney parks with rumors of a Cars-themed "Test Track"-type attraction at California Adventure and an Incredibles "Incredipods" ride to replace the infamous Rocket Rods in Tomorrowland, not to mention a new Monsters, Inc. show at Tokyo Disneyland.

- Sure, a new exhibit at Epcot called "National Treasures" has nothing at all to do with the Nicolas Cage movies.

- The upcoming Jungle Book DVD will have a premiere event at Disney's Animal Kingdom.

- In more Pirates of the Caribbean rumors: could Captain Jack take up residence in the now-closed "River Country" water park?

- And the celebrity narrators for Epcot's annual holiday tradition, the Candlelight Processional, will include Neil Patrick Harris, Marlee Matlin, Rita Moreno, John O'Hurley, Phylicia Rashad, Gary Sinise and others.

Links via TheDisneyHub.blogspot.com, BlueSkyDisney.blogspot.com, Imdb.com, Screamscape.com, LaughingPlace.com and OrlandoSentinel.com.

Comic-Con '07: Continuing Adventures

Further news from this weekend's Comic-Con and elsewhere, focusing on sequels and other continuing series.

- The big news this past week was the confirmation that Zachary Quinto (Heroes' nasty Sylar) has been cast as the younger Spock in J.J. Abrams' Star Trek reboot. More surprising is that Leonard Nimoy has been coaxed out of retirement to don once more his famous Vulcan ears for the new film (likely in some form of framing device). The film's first poster art (above), charmingly retro, was also revealed.

- We, like Cinamatical and The Guardian, like our Bond "more gritty, less quippy". Eon Productions, please take note. In related news, Daniel Craig is now the highest paid actor in England. And he still won't return my calls.

- Rachel Weisz (who nabbed her Oscar and ran) is out; Maria Bello is in as Brendan Fraser's ladylove for the third Mummy movie, rather clumsily titled The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. Here's some more casting news for the flick, courtesy Obsessed With Film.

- Per our sources, The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian looks like "more of the same". And from this peek at the concept art, we would have to agree. This second chapter, which is currently filming in Prague, will be released next May, with subsequent chapters to follow suit.

- Cars 2, any one? Can't say that I blame them; the merchandise is doing alarmingly well.

- More from the Mouse House: To wet your appetite (or possibly quench it) for another Pirates of the Caribbean movie, Disney may turn to TV for the next adventure of Captain Jack Sparrow.

- From the "Nope, Nothing to See Here" file: Borat 2. As one of the few people who loathed the first movie, I say "thank goodness".

- From the "Don't Count on it Anytime Soon" file, Robert Rodriguez sub-file: Sin City 2 and Grindhouse 2. Hey Robert, maybe the following quote has something to do with the delays "due to issues apparently involving the Weinsteins": "we [would] kill Harvey Weinstein in the movie". Ya think?

- And from the "Who Asked for That?" file: Meatballs 5. I had no idea there was more then two ...

Links via HollywoodReporter.com, Cinematical.com, Guardian.co.uk, UltimateJamesBond.wordpress.com, StarPulse.com, ObsessedWithFilm.com, NarniaWeb.com, ComingSoon.net, JVPixarNews.blogspot.com, Hollywood.com, SuperHeroHype.com and FilmWad.com.

CGI Will Always Love You

When it comes to making lists, Entertainment Weekly is not known for a vast knowledge in film history. In fact, it seems to go back only as far as the birth days of their interns.

So, you would think that a top 10 list of computer-generated characters would be more up their alley, considering the first use of the technology was only back in the 80's. No such luck. Not only is the oldest film on the list (Jurassic Park) dated 1993, but they actually placed not one, but two movies that are barely months old (Spider-Man 3, Transformers).

In addition to this shortsightedness, such impressive creations as the "water aliens" from The Abyss, the hippogriff in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban and Sonny from I, Robot are MIA. These were truly 'pixilized' performances that made you go "wow", as opposed to ... Casper? And that's not even delving into the vast Pixar oeuvre.

Sigh. At least they got some right (if not exactly in the right spots), as my top 5 from the list attests:

1. Woody and Buzz from Toy Story: Gotta give props to my boys from the first ever all-computer animated feature, which should have bumped them higher then EW's #7.
2. Gollum in The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers and ...
3. Davy Jones in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest: EW has them switched, but really, could Davy have existed without Gollum before him?
4. Yoda in Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones: Freed of Muppetry, the Jedi Master kicked ass in this movie. Although he'll always sound like Grover to me.
5. The Tyrannosaurus rex in Jurassic Park: I'll let EW slide on this one, as a lot of the T-rex's scenes used a life-sized animatronic as well as CGI. Factor in all the other dinos from the film (especially the raptors) and I'll buy it.

Links via EW.com and LaughingPlace.com.

Jedis Invade Disney World and More

In the wake of their annual "Star Wars Weekends", Walt Disney World's Disney-MGM Studios will continue the popular Jedi Training Academy show this fall. (So expect a lot of Jake Lloyds running around with plastic light sabers.) This of course has sparked speculation on a whole new Star Wars themed area (including a jazzed-up new "Star Tours" ride), all the better to combat Universal Orlando's upcoming Harry Potter land.

In other Studios news, the long-rumored renaming of the park may just happen now that Pixar has become part of the Mouse House. Yep, it may become Disney-Pixar Studios. And I'll believe that when I see it.

Speaking of Pixar, the Ratatouille rats are on hand now (and even in the parade) and construction continues on the new "Toy Story Mania!" ride. Naturally, High School Musical is represented in a daily "pep rally" show. And the rumor mill is rumbling about a possible new Indiana Jones attraction to coincide with the upcoming fourth film.

Elsewhere around the world, The Three Caballeros have been added to the Mexican pavilion, while Finding Nemo has taken over the Living Seas, at Epcot. Nemo and friends can also be seen in the stage musical adaptation (from the Avenue Q composers) that plays daily at Disney's Animal Kingdom. Changes at Magic Kingdom may include at least a Pirates of the Caribbean-themed restaurant and possibly more Pirates stuff. And the new "Monsters, Inc. Laugh Floor Comedy Club" has opened in Tomorrowland.

On the other side of the country, in Disneyland, Nemo (yeah, him again) has been added to the long-dry docked Submarine Ride. Plus, there a major plans to revitalize Disney's California Adventure, the Anaheim flagship park's much-derided second gate (they are already adding their own "Toy Story Mania!" as well). As that park has a "Hollywood" section (which recently added there own Monsters, Inc. themed-ride), it is safe to assume that we may see more movie-related rides there as well.

And finally, a new musical show based on Toy Story will be added to the Disney Cruise Line. Hmmm, that's an awful lot of Pixar ... maybe the Disney-MGM Studios should be renamed the Pixar-Disney Studios.

Links via OrlandoSentinel.com, UniversalOrlando.com, LaughingPlace.com, WDWNews.com, TheDisneyBlog.com and Disney.go.com.